WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
