did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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