why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
