My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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