So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
