I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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