Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
