I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
