Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
