Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
