My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
