I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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