come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
