My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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