make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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