I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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