There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
