My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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