So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize