In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
