well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
