Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
