Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
