don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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