I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
