Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
