Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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