I'm passing your future prison.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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