you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
