She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
