Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
