BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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