It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize