Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
