I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
