i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
