I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
