Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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