i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
