sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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