Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
