Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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