I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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