what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
