WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
