Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
