got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
