Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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