I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize