So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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