So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
