Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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