Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
