Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
