How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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