I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
