After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize