i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
