The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize