So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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