i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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