Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
